They fell off faster than a fat kid on a see-saw, but for a brief moment in 2001 Scottish band Travis were on top of the world and one of my very favorites. This is a cover of Britney’s (oooh, timely!) Hit Me Baby One More Time that was performed at Glastonbury that year – and it stands alone as a super tune. The minor guitar chords and Fran Healey’s sweetie-pie voice give it a sad, eerie feeling. Much how Mr. and Mrs. Spears must have felt when Britney brought that oozing cock sore into their home for the first time. See what you think.
Archives for November 2006
Britney, It’s Probably Too Late For You.
That doesn’t change the fact that I’m extremely pleased you’ve kicked that fucking pariah out of your house and filed for divorce. I bemoaned your sad transformation a year or so ago, and you were truly the last to know that this would end in tears. As far as your career goes, you just don’t bounce back on the sexy meter after pumping out two dirtbag-descendants.
My older post covers most of the basics, so I’ll stick to my hopes for Britney’s future. Thanks to VH1, you’re always going to have a job, baby. Whether you’re on top of the charts, or a giant electronic scale – that’s still show business. If Flava can make a celebreality comeback, then so can you. Just please make sure that at no time Flava comes on your back. Cause that’s probably the only thing on this planet that’s worse than having your baggage lined with Feder.
Please Allow Me To Dance For You.
A co-worker wanted to play with his iPaq a few month ago. That’s not a euphemism for masturbation. It’s PDA with a video camera. So I performed an impromptu piece of interpretive dance which he sent to me last night. I’d forgotten about it, and in retrospect it’s quite breathtaking.
It’s kind of like a vaudeville version of the ‘robot’ which turns into some shadow boxing towards the end. Really, really ahead of its time. And I’m especially glad I was wearing my Jersey Shore Adidas top thingy that day. Please enjoy.
Saturday Is Fleeting.
My favorite day of the week is always over in the blink of an eye, and I never accomplish everything I set out to. It’s already nearly four, and by my scientific calculations I’ve accomplished 2 loads of laundry, some kitchen cleaning or as they’d say around the lab – the square root of fuck all. Alright, so I made my bed too. Dr. Covey, I await my mention in the foreward of your next edition.
The best laid plans and the best of intentions do not a productive Saturday make. I’ve looked forward to my Taz-esque whirlwind of task-ticking all week, and yet I still found the time today to play Scarface for three hours. But there’s plenty of time left, and I’ve learned how to sell virtual cocaine with the best of them. Not like it’s going to get dark in an hour. Oh, actually yes it will.
It’s true that if you fail to plan, you plan to fail. But unfortunately it’s also true that if you make a great plan that doen’t mean you won’t eat three dill pickles and drink a pot of coffee while watching home video of your 24th birthday party. Get back in the game, Pye. There are toilets to scrub around here.
Mills Boy Makes Sleazy.
Some Guelph guys just forwarded me this. Al was my first ever internet project related collaborator. Art, I remember you he and I were working on some website back in 1996. Do you recall the premise? I don’t. I do, however, remember helping to newspaper-ball Al’s entire dorm room when he went home one weekend because he’d pissed someone off. He was a bit greasy. A comment from the email:
“He was the greasiest ladies man ever, so i’m not surprised. One time i heard him say “I love you’ on the phone to his girlfriend back home when he was in bed with some tart he picked up the night before.” No doubt at a Mills pub at the Rock Cellar. Glad to see Al has’s remained true to his roots. “Mills Once, Mills Twice – Holy Jumping Jesus Christ!”
We really need to get the chant online somewhere for posterity. You can be damn sure it isn’t taught during frosh week anymore. I believe it’s been substituted by something from the Koran at this point. I started a little Mills tribute site a few years ago which I think I still have on my computer at home. I’ll dig it up. Stay tuned, boys.
Introducing MySpaceIsBetter.com.
Most MySpace layouts are absolutely terrible, and most free MS sites are just advertisement farms waiting to impregnante your daughters with viruses and SpyWare. Again, this is a bad thing. My roomate, one of his co-workers and I have been working on a MySpace layout website, and we’ve just posted some of the free introductory designs for you to check out.
Tom and Ben did a wonderful job on this set of Borat themes, just in time for the movie’s release this weekend. They are cleanly designed with dynamic quotes, great original graphics and other fun components. Just paste any of the 9 codes into your MS profile’s “About Me” section and you’re done. Check back in a few weeks for more of their amazing free designs.
Desperately Seeking My Annoying Inner Health Nut.
I’ve been very, very ill since Sunday, and it’s due in no small part to all the travel, sleep deprivation and revelry of last weekend. But about 1.5 days into my 3-day coma, I realized there was something larger at work than a simple bender. And that is – I am an extremely unhealthy individual. To give this some perspective, more for myself rather than my readers, here is a select and impromptu tally from the last month that led to my physical breakdown.
– On average, 2 pints of Ben and Jerry’s a week.
– 14 hours on the computer per day.
– Although I hadn’t had a drink prior in nearly 3 weeks, JV’s wedding saw 3 days of heavy imbibement including port, beer, scotch, homemade Welland basement wine, champagne and Tequila Rose.
– A Nicaraguan cigar.
– Coca-Cola. Lots of it. Whenever I go out and do not drink alcohol, which is quite frequent.
– Several times this last month I have purchased little bricks of Velveeta which have ended up melted on pizza pockets and mixed into Chef Boyardee ravioli. Give me a Fun Dip for dessert and yes, it’s 1978 again.
– Ambien – I can’t sleep on weeknights without at least a wee nibble. Regular sleep has been a challenge for me for many years. Spare me the story about the person who drove their car while asleep – it’s all I ever hear about when I mention the ‘A’ word. Besides, I woke up in a cornfield and no one was hurt.
– Cheetos. 2 bags in the last 4 weeks. In addition to the wonderful salty flavor, it’s also fun to run around the house looking like you just wanked with Eazy Cheez.
– Pizza, preferably pepperoni. Every thursday night and at least 4 slices. Currently, this constitues health food in my life.
It’s not so much what’s on the above list perhaps as what is glaringly absent. It’s a simple trinity:
– Fruit.
– Vegetables.
– Exercise.
We did the Pork Ass Challenge earlier this year to some good results. But that was just about dropping weight, and I opted for some really foolish methods of accomplishing that. This Saturday I’m hitting a real supermarket, starting to use my crisper for something other than rotten Haymarket apples and joining one of the nearby gyms. When I write it on the blog, it usually happens. I will scan the membership ID – see if I don’t.