Archives for January 2007

Wednesday Wadio: Little Becky’s Demolition Project.

by Dave on January 4, 2007
in Wednesday Wadio

“How are you, my name’s Becky. I have a proposal for you“.

This is an recording of a prank phone call to a demolition company in Ireland. The differentiator is it’s placed by a little girl with surprising comedic ability and quick thinking, which is why I’m wasting your time with it. The adults giggle and try to play along, but Becky just keeps pushing the issue with a straight face.

“Is this a demolition company, or a joke factory?”

She wants her school bombed with all her teachers inside, which is especially precious considering the geographic location. Listen to Little Becky’s plans for her school and then check out her official website with all her calls to date.

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All In One Overkill.

by Dave on January 2, 2007
in

I bought myself a little Christmas present this year. Namely a Canon all-in-one printer, fax, scanner, photo printer, copier monstrosity that is now sitting atop my shelves, daring me to find a reason to use it. I had to transfer my health insurance and was able to print the necessary forms out to sign. I also printed out my citizenship application and signed that. But now I fear I will run out of everyday uses for my new personal Deep Blue, and it will rapidly collect dust.

In order to fax anything, I will first have to get a land line, which isn’t happening anytime soon. I might as well get a cassette tape answering machine with a pre-recorded California Raisins greeting and a 500 baud modem while I’m at it. I don’t see a lot of potential for the scanner, either. I could go through my photo album and find a few ancient gems for a laugh, but I can’t keep up with posting the damn digital pics that are piling up. Anyone who really wants to see what I look like wearing diapers can frequent some of the local swingers clubs. So again, not very likely.

The copier will be good for building management duties, like duping leases, invoices and the like. And there’s always the chance I’ll have a guest over some day who wishes to photocopy their behind. But why couldn’t they just take a digital photo of their buttocks? Or scan them? Or take a photo of their buttocks and then scan that? And then maybe never be invited back.

I think the problem here is that I have too many methods at my disposal by which to accomplish the exact same thing – the transmission of a document. It’s frustratingly hard to choose. Perhaps I can webcam my tax return this year, take a freezeframe which I can then print onto photo paper, scan, and then fax to the IRS. Or I could get a pen and some stamps.

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Snap, Crack, Pop.

by Dave on January 1, 2007
in

Last night Mike, Joanna, Janet and I wandered around to 3 different parties in the South End. We didn’t get back to Medford until nearly 6am, so all told I technically spent 10 hours doing the New Year’s thing. As I was the driver, it was obviously a bit challenging to remain amused the entire time. So I started making up Saddam Hussein jokes. As you do.

Q: What was Saddam Hussein’s favorite wine?
A: Earnest and Julio Gallo.

Q: What was Saddam Hussein’s favorite Three’s Company character?
A: Mr. Roper.

Q: What was Saddam Hussein’s favorite Chubby Checkers song?
A: Twisting the Night Away.

And my personal favorite:

Q: What was Saddam Hussein’s favorite INXS song?
A: New Sensation. (Say it fast).

I didn’t say they were funny. My mission was made even more urgent by the number of people who became thoroughly disgusted with my work – which obviously just encouraged me. I hope everyone got home safe, and here’s hoping for a doozy of a 2007.

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