When the Pork Ass Challenge sputtered out, only a week before it was due to end on July 4th, I’d lost a reasonably exciting 10 pounds. In the meantime, I’ve packed 7 back on, and am currently having a fat day. Meaning my pants feel tight and I spent a good chunk of the morning crying whilst being coaxed out of a bathroom stall.
I have some social engagements over the next couple months, at which I’d like to appear a heck of a lot more svelt than I do now. My thoughts again turn to healthy ways to get that little bulge down. No, the other little bulge. I conquered the first one a long time ago when I taught myself to picture Jessica Tandy in that scene from Batteries Not Included where she’s bending over the little cheeseburger robot naked and covered in olive oil. Works better than thinking about baseball.
So I’m standing in the Au Bon Pain, staring at the yogurt, fruit cups, salads etc – and I realize I think I’d rather frigging starve myself. I honestly think it would be easier for me just to not eat, or subsist solely on shakes of some sort, than get through a bunch of watermelon or a rice cake. DVS and I hit the Sports Grille Friday night for some wing dings, buffalo tasties and my beloved poppers. It was heavenly. I look at a pineapple slice and I’d rather lick the razor I was threatening to slash myself with back in said bathroom stall.
So what’s the solution? Exercise obviously. It’s a simple equation – eat less, burn more, lose weight. But I can’t help but wonder, and I’ll be Googling this in a minute – is there, or has there ever been, a mayonnaise diet? That’d work for me.
I’ve gotten use to your obscure, yet clever references but Jessica Tandy bending over in Batteries Not Included? Your good…
Remember Doyle, that’s supposed to PREVENT you from getting aroused.
I loved that movie when I was a kid. Tiny, adorably flying robots + me as an eight year old = joy.
Um, re: ABP, you could have eaten any of their delicious soups, you know! I lurve their soup.
I do. Every day. That’s the problem. I am partial to the corn chowder and the corn and green chili bisque. I might as well go down to the 7-11 across from the Tam and buy a little carton of half and half to chug.
telling ya, lots of mini meals through the day, keeps your metabolism working.
oh yeah & some exercise is good too.
wanna loose weight? fly up to TO real quick and help me move the 23 tons of stone I just had delivered for my patio.
get rid of white bread, pasta, potatoes, rice and sugar,and don’t be afraid to eat lots of vegetables and protein. oh yeah, and maybe exercise a bit. you’ll lose 20 lbs in 2 months, scout’s honour. the trick with losing weight though is that you have to keep eating healthy – if you’re predisposed to being a fatty (like i am)as soon as you go back to your old ways you pack the lbs back on. but i’d rather eat broccoli 4 times a week than have man-boobs.