My friend Joey’s mom is up for President of Red Sox Nation. You may have heard of her – she’s a very well known, Pulitzer Prize winning historical author – and a genuinely wonderful lady. She is up against a veritable who’s who of well-known Bostonians for the coveted position, and I’d like to do my part to whip up a little voter love. Here is Joey’s email to me today:
“Dear old mom has been nominated to serve as president of red sox nation. Now, Remy is also in the running and using his bully pulpit on NESN to sway all sorts of voters. We need you to vote for Doris, not just because she would make a stunning and capable chief executive but also to strike back at the Media Barons who think that the access they have into our homes should be equitable to access into our very hearts. Follow the link below to vote up to 10 times, vote for Doris, vote for liberty! Feel free to forward to all who love the Red Sox and freedom from media tyranny”:
Doris Kearns Goodwin will bring a level of intellectualism and historical analysis to the position that Sox fans will find refreshing and optimistic. To prepare for the future is to understand the past, after all. In addition to being able to statistically rattle off figures as well as any fan in the Nation, Doris can then tell you what people were wearing, eating, reading and how they were voting that year. It’s an honest and life-long love of the game coupled with one of the best insights into American History alive today. I, for one, would honestly like to see Doris in this position above all of the other candidates in the running. But don’t take my word for her forward-thinking and original spin on the position:
“If I were fortunate enough to be chosen president of Red Sox Nation, I would call upon my love of history to exorcise the tortured memories of the past that create a constant sense of dread in even the most loyal Sox fans. I would personally rewrite the history of 1978 to remove the story of the final months when our 14 game lead was catastrophically lost. I would encourage NESN to bury every clip of Bucky Dent and Bill Buckner in an underground vault. I would sponsor a special line of T-shirts emblazoned only with positive images – Ortiz pointing to the sky on reaching home, Papelbon pumping his fist on recording a save, Schilling’s bloody sock. Since I’ve never outgrown the superstition that the actions of fans influence the fortunes of our teams, I would do all that I could to transform the mood of Red Sox Nation from one fearing the worst, to one expecting the best, game after game, year after year.”
Doris is the perfect remedy for a Nation which more and more is being saturated by peripheral, fair-weather, nay-saying fans who dilute the legendary fan base as a whole. That’s not to say these folks should be banished. On the contrary – they should be educated, hardened and sent back out into battle as a true Fenway Phalanx ready to defend Boston from Yankee tyranny. Doris is the woman for the job, so please place your vote (up to 10 times) right now!
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