I have to leave early to get to Triconi’s engagement party tonight, and I’ve a mountain of work to get through beforehand. So the Quizzlet will be delayed until some point over the weekend. A thousand pardons, and I’ll leave you with something to keep you busy in the meantime. Here’s me dipping your pacifier in gin:
1. Are you afraid to die?
2. If you had your way, would you rather die because of a disease or instantaneously?
3. It’s your last day alive and you know it. How will you spend your last 24 hours?
4. Describe your funeral or wake.
5. How would you want your remains to be put to rest?
Pretty morbid, I know. But a sad story I heard last night got me thinking about the happy hunting ground a little bit, so I’m running with it. Post your answers in comments, and don’t die over the weekend.
1. Are you afraid to die? Nope.
2. If you had your way, would you rather die because of a disease or instantaneously? Instantaneously
3. It’s your last day alive and you know it. How will you spend your last 24 hours? I would love to take in a hockey game that has some really good fight in it with friends. Then a nice dinner, and drinks. Perhaps someone would take pity on me dying, and throw me a mercy.
4. Describe your funeral or wake. I hope it is complete with people that knew me drinking brew and rehashing all of the wacky things I have done. It MUST include Pye telling the story of me, him, and John David after Jim Brewer. I believe the story has been told in this space before.
5. How would you want your remains to be put to rest? I would like to be buried. Worms gotta east too.
Chris – that would be this story.
YES!!!!!!! I love that one.
No worries Dave, enjoy the engagement party and the best of luck to your friend Triconi. I myself am heading down the same glorious path as your buddy.
1. Afraid to die?
Why would I be, if its going to happen it will happen. Nothing I can do about it.
2. Tough one, probably instantaneously. Only problem, I would probably have a few things to say before I move on to that big trailer park in the sky.
3. Don’t want to get into too much detail here, could go on for pages. After last year’s 4th of July I could have probably died the next day a very happy man. I started the day listening to a reading of the Constitution followed by marching in the parade with all of the guys in their colonial gear. Alot of great people came over for an incredible party then ended the evening with a fantastic fireworks display on my roof top. Definitely a top 10 day in my life.
4. Keg Party with some great music and Irish dancers. Us Doyle’s really know how to party and thats how I want people to remember me. Its not much but I’ve given up on the Nobel Peace Prize and World Peace. Next best thing… good parties.
5. Who cares? I’m dead. Use my body as “chum” on the next Steve Zissou fishing expedition for all I care.
1. A little. Maybe that will change when I’m older, I just feel I haven’t accomplished any of my goals yet…
2. Disease… I think I’d like to be able to say goodbye to people and make sure I don’t leave a mess.
3. I’d probably make a lot of phone calls and spend the day in bed having Sex, drinking beer, and listening to my favorite music.
4. I’d like to thing my funeral would be one giant party. It would have to be a happy party though, like a wedding, I don’t want people being sad, I want people to get drunk and have a rip-roaring good time. 🙂
5. I hope there won’t be much of me left. I want every useful part of me to be donated to others. After that I don’t care. I like what we did with me father. We scattered his ashes in the river next to where we live…
1. Are you afraid to die?
Fuckin’ A’ Buddy. I believe in some sense of afterlife… but its scientific explanation goes unexplained… so I am full of doubt – hence my middle name of Thomas – for you biblical morons Thomas the Doubter. Who ever is running this heaven needs to stop fuckin’ around and let us know the situation. So I try to view reality as my existence – once I cease to exist – so does reality – so I might as well live a good and peaceful life where I become rich and get into the Adult Film Industry.
2. If you had your way, would you rather die because of a disease or instantaneously?
If I had a disease – I might spend my whole time feeling sorry for myself… trying to make people aware of the suffering or the disease… in reality – I am fucking dying everyday I ain’t livin – just gotta keep on keepin’ on momma! In High School I assisted in taking care of a 48 year old man with Downsyndrome – Tim Griffith – guy was great… his outlook everyday was ‘stepin up’… whenever you asked him ‘what’s up’ his response was ‘the sky’… I try to keep it going that way. Anyway, I have seen too many victims of disease and cancer go – granted I know more survivors. It just appears that nasty cancer riddles my family. So if I were to choose death… instantaneously – just give it to me good, clean, and sober so I know it is coming and I know hell aint comin with it. I would hate to die in the wrong state of mind – that is one of my biggest fears – dying all banged up – possibly ironic… I don’t know – you tell me.
3. It’s your last day alive and you know it. How will you spend your last 24 hours?
With strippers! Come on – someone had to say it…
If I can open my emotional box here and shake a tear from my eye – I would take my nephew fishing and play catch… all day at Indian Point. This day would be our day seeing that I have neglectic him so much – and I feel that I want to die in the place that feels most like home… well Lake Erie between Painesville and Kirtland feels like home. Indian Point is right off of rt 90 in Leroy Township, OH – my ole’ man took me and my sister there all the time as kids it was very inaccessible… now it is somewhat better and easier to get to…
See the point over looks all of the surrounding lands and Lake Erie… great majical spot – especially for outdoor sex. I would take a couple of tins of Copenhagen… pack some steaks & a carton of Dairyman’s Ice Tea (which now is being called ghetto juice or redneck kool-aid)… take the ball gloves and rods & reels. I would fish all day – play catch towards dusk, and hopefully die while the sun is setting on the Grand River looking out over Lake Erie… we probably wouldn’t catch anything. IF there was any other way to describe it… think of Field of Dreams and think of A River Runs Through It – now combine them with my nephew.
Indian Point is A Grand River Reservation. Listed on the National Register of Historic Places by the National Park Service. It has one of the earliest architectural works in this part of Ohio. A tribe from the Whittlesey Culture lived there; the structure was built on the 100-ft ridge between Paine Creek and the Grand River. Two parallel mounds of their earthworks you can still see. The Whittelsey were an early people who lived from 900AD to 1650AD in stockade villages on high bluffs overlooking rivers and lakes. Because they had no contact with Europeans, the name of their tribe is unknown. (They are named after the archaeologist who discovered the tribe.) Charles Lyman, bought several acres at the Point in 1901. He had camped here often. In the years before World War I, Lyman used the area as a military camp for high school boys. More than 150 youngsters attended Lyman’s Camp Wissolohican during its eight year period of existence. Lyman began carving the names of campers into a Totem Stone, which can be seen along the trail near the point. Later, the point became a Finnish camp, Kaleva Lodge. During this time, a stone hut was built and used as a sauna, intact until the 1970s, when the park system dismantled it. The property was purchased from John Phelps in 1964. A plaque was erected here, in honor of James and Edna Phelps, his parents. (In 1802, part of the property had been deeded to his ancestors by the Connecticut Land Company.)
4. Describe your funeral or wake.
I don’t know – I am sure people would show… I mean as unpredictable as I am why would you be my friend in life if you didn’t like me or prepared to deal with my death on a friendship level. When I step out of my shoes at times – I realize I am not an easy person to tolerate or like… Yah I am a good guy – but you gotta be prepared for my risks and consequences, bitching, and ignorant actions. Obviously, I am not the person that would want a sad traditional funeral and I don’t think the people I associate with really would want that either. It would have to be nutty…I would love to take a page out of ‘The Big Chill’… but I think I will have to take one out of Caddyshack with that damn groundhog song. Hey – anyone that is still alive when I am dead – play that damn groundhog song as they are putting me to rest… “I’m Alright – Don’t Nobody Worry Bout Me”. Maybe shoot a porno during my funeral or wake – right next to my casket – ha! too much – I figure why not – at least 25% of my day is spent being devious.
5. How would you want your remains to be put to rest?
Well not in a traditional casket… I don’t like clothes and being constricted so but me in a conan the barbarian outfit and either light me on fire in a lake or have my future wife throw me in a pine box… I want her to lay me to rest in it so I will be right after all the times of saying to her ‘God Dammit woman – you gonna put me in a pine box ten years to early… you keep on my like this’. Ha – everyone knows that ain’t true – no way in hell can a woman handle me in a relationship let alone marry me. No – My papaw is buried outside of Pigeon Forge, TN – Way up in the country – literally – complete dirt and mud road out in the sticks – old family plot. I would like to be laid there… but I don’t want anything bubble gum or mickey moused. I want to be burned or buried – nothing fancy – everyone in white and during the procession possibly throw on that Good Ole’ Thymin’ Blue Grass music from O’ Brother Where Art Thou. Try to make it a point to listen to blue grass once a week. Lets the soul breathe. If not there then throw my shit into the ocean or somewhere nice and peaceful.
1. Yes.
2. Instantaneously. Think the absolute worst way to go would be drowning.
3. Partaking in every single vice I have surrounded by friends and family. Drinking, drugs, smoking, eating fatty foods, more drinking and drugs, sex…lots of sex! And probably say things I have held back from family and friends good or bad. Maybe skydive too.
4. I would like it to be a clam bake or bbq on the beach with a bonfire that goes on into the wee hours of the AM with lots of music and dancing and comments like “remember that time when she _____?” And then you could sprinkle my ashes in the ocean because…
5. I would be cremated, after I donated all of my viable organs. And my brain to science, naturally.
Having almost drowned when I was younger, I must admit, it was very peaceful, and not a bad way to go. All those pretty bubbles… I can still remember them…
Now burning alive I would think to be the worse. Or starving to death while trapped underneath a log or rock with only a blunt pocket knife that you long ago realized wasn’t sharp enough to cut through your bones. Urg. Makes me shiver and feel sick just thinking about it…
1. Depends how it happens. I once saw this guy in the emergency room slowly croak from an ascending infection caused by about 50,000 maggots eating the flesh in his choda. That wasn’t cool.
2. I would love to die from a tumour of the frontal lobe. YOu lose all inhibition, and your sex drive goes through the roof. PLUS, no one can get mad at you – fuck, you’ve got a tumour.
3. Eat one of everything off of the menu at Papa’s Grill on the Danforth. Blow the rest of my line of credit on a Ferrari and drive up north to my cottage where all of my family and friends would be waiting to watch “Risky Business” with me. Then I’d drive the Ferrari into Georgian Bay.
4. Shit – I’m Greek, and Greeks love to mourn in public. It would probably be about 100 relatives screaming in agony at the front of the room, with all of my friends shitting their pants at the back of the room.
5. Donate all viable organs – then cremate baby.
Know what makes me shiver and feel sick – past due milk.
What about past due milk that you didn’t notice was ‘past due’ until you poured it on your lucky charms or in your tea…? Urg…