Vincent: You know what they put on French fries in Holland instead of ketchup?
Jules: What?
Vincent: Mayonnaise.
Jules: Goddamn.
Vincent: I’ve seen ’em do it, man. They fucking drown ’em in that shit.
I’ve been in Canada for almost 7 weeks now, and I’ve been keeping a mental checklist of the “little differences” that I’ve noticed to date. Although I’ve spent a lot of time up here over the last 33 years, I haven’t been fully immersed like this in over a decade. Here are some subtle little day-to-day observations I’ve been collecting.
1. Condiments: Vinegar and gravy are available absolutely everywhere. Swiss Chalet sauce is making a bigger impression on me than bathtub meth. You never have to ask for ketchup.
2. Traffic: Is awful. Toronto traffic is at the levels that LA is famous for. An enormous, sprawling city of highways and overpasses. You can traverse the 401 to the North, or the Gardiner Expressway to the South – but either way, unless it’s between 2am and 3:30am, you’re sitting bumper-to-bumper for hours.
3. Traffic Laws: You can turn right on a red light. Some States (Florida, etc.) allow this but it’s a no-no in Massachusetts. I love it. I get back little snippets of time that make up for some of the traffic jams.
4. HBO Surprises: One of the first things I did when I got up here was figure out which of the cable channels was linked to HBO so I could be sure to see the last episodes of the Sopranos. The channel in question is called MMX, and their programming is quite unique. You have all your first run blockbusters during the day, but as soon as the clock strikes 11pm Harry Potter and the Prizoner of Azkaban is replaced promptly by Saving Ryan’s Privates. I’m talking full-on, hardcore pornography on a channel that five minutes before might have been showing Entourage. It’s simply fabulous.
5: Pizza: Canadians don’t know what a cheese pizza is. I think ordering a plain pie must be some sort of taboo which is done in private clubs in North York. Bacon is a big seller. As is BBQ sauce, feta cheese, sun dried tomatoes, hamburger and my new favorite topping – green olives.
6: Tattoos: Everybody has one.
I’ll keep adding to this list as I notice more of them. Feel free to chime in.
I’m going to be crossing the Blue Water Bridge and then riding the Chi Cheemaun in about two and a half weeks, and there will not be a moment full of more excitement than when I get fries up there for the first time and they are just DOUSED in vinegar. Oh, and also, seeing Andy sing at the Lodge up in Killarney. He sings Stan Rogers, and that makes me happy:)
I think if it were socially acceptable, I’d drape myself in vinegar. I would!
TWG Geat Wheels (Legs)—–Vinigar is great with cleaning the dirt/sweat from collars/cuffs of your shirts etc. Pye sorry I missed your going away bash.
1st – you don’t live in Toronto, you don’t even live in the GTA (Greater Toronto Area), you live in Burlington, which for you yanks is juuust outside the Canadian armpit of Lake Ontario (Hamilton). ya, traffic sucks when you have to drive an hour to civilisation (Toronto). That might explain why you spend all your time hanging out with your cat and your laptop on grandma’s couch in burlington.
people still read this blog?
Oh yes, many people still read this blog…and we missed it when Pye was on hiatus…
Hey Pye – you can always turn right on red in Massachusettes, unless there is a sign indicating otherwise.
I was just in your country last weekend – beautiful place with really swell people 😉