48-year-old female elephant, Motala, was quoted as saying she hopes whomever bought the umbrella bucket from the poachers is “remarkably fucking happy with it”.
Monday's Quotelet
Monday’s Quotelet: Remedial Clown School
Two of the newer Clown Academy graduates were asked to “tone down” some of their themes before the next birthday party.
Monday’s Quotelet: Vee Have Vays of Making you Look at my Ass
“Vhy yes, Dr. Jones. My tramp stamp IZ a profile of Lenin. You have problem vith this?”
Monday’s Quotelet: Whose Hand IS This?!
Jeff Kepner, the World’s first double hand transplant recipient, wondered why his new left index finger smelled like two-day-old halibut.
Monday’s Quotelet: Booty Diplomacy
“Now listen, Richard, when we get back on board Air Force One it’s absolutely imperative that you… that you… IF… YOU… ain’t got no booty then you gotta go home… But if you got a booty shawty show me yo thong… Keep rockin’ that ass, trick pass the Patron… oh Jesus, what was I just talking about?”
Monday’s Quotelet: Don’t Forget to Vote. Or Wipe.
Sarah’s supporters wasted only the time they had to stand in the shitter line before beginning to drum up support for 2012.
– From a bathroom stall seen by reader DVS somewhere in CT.
Monday’s Quotelet: Gussets From Above!
Although he feigned revulsion and walked out of the MTV Movie Awards, Eminem secretly welcomed Bruno’s 69 as a vast improvement over Robert Pattinson’s face.
Monday’s Quotelet: Stayin’ Alive
Recchi, Wideman, Ryder, Chara and Marc Savard celebrate last night’s first goal… and the 1974 birth of Tim Thomas.
Monday’s Quotelet: You Filthy Swine!
Activists spread dirt on their faces during a swine flu awarness campaign in Jakarta. In an ironic twist of fate, it was later learned that spreading dirt on your face is the number one cause of the disease.
Monday’s Quotelet: Finish Line Fanaticism
Kara Goucher gave the term “sore loser” new meaning at the Boston Marathon today after spin-kicking Dire Tune of Ethiopia in the temple.
Come on folks! Submit your own captions in the comments.
Monday’s Quotelet: Wildlife Liquorings
“Sure, ladies – we serve your kind here. Just as long as this doesn’t turn into an antler-fest.”
Monday’s Quotelet: Allah Quackbar!
What really brought down US Air Flight 1549.
Monday’s Quotelet: Li, We Bearly Knew Ye
Li Guoxing – recipient of the world’s first “face-transplant” after being mauled by a bear – has died. This highlights anew the dangers associated with the procedure. And going to the zoo when intoxicated.
Monday’s Quotelet: Cuthbert and Ernie
Elisha’s oversized sunglasses and turban made a positive I.D impossible, but Sean was pretty sure who was behind the sign at center ice.
Monday’s Quotelet: Horatio-Libs
Made it to Boston in 7.5 hours on Sunday afternoon – a new record for me. My secret? Keep yourself dehydrated so you need less wee breaks, use cruise control as it dramatically decreases the amount og gas the car will use and go 10 miles above the limit for which you’ll rarely be pulled over.
Tonight is the kid-friendly puppy birthday party at Janet’s in Charlestown and Wednesday night is the big bender in Concord with the high school friends – in many ways my favorite night of the year. My point is, blogging might be light this week but I had to take time out and put this up. I think we can have a lot of fun with it.
Care to take your own stab at a Horatio-Lib? 1a (the setup) 1b (Horatio #1) 2 (Horatio #2) 3 (Horatio #3) 4 (YEEAAAAAHH!). Make sense? Here’s my first stab at this wonderful new productivity-sucker:
1a: Sir, all the fingers on his right hand were removed. We located them in his… rectum.
1b: Well, you know what Confuscious said…
2: He who go to bed with itchy bum…
3: Wake up with smelly finger.
4: YEEAAAAAHH!
Not my best work. I’ll try again later. I’ll turn the best submissions into graphics and maybe create an ongoing Horatio Libs gallery. Thanks to Gary for sending this my way, and to those of you I will see in the Boston area this week – looking forward to it. Happy holidays!