Desperately Seeking My Annoying Inner Health Nut.

I’ve been very, very ill since Sunday, and it’s due in no small part to all the travel, sleep deprivation and revelry of last weekend. But about 1.5 days into my 3-day coma, I realized there was something larger at work than a simple bender. And that is – I am an extremely unhealthy individual. To give this some perspective, more for myself rather than my readers, here is a select and impromptu tally from the last month that led to my physical breakdown.

– On average, 2 pints of Ben and Jerry’s a week.
– 14 hours on the computer per day.
– Although I hadn’t had a drink prior in nearly 3 weeks, JV’s wedding saw 3 days of heavy imbibement including port, beer, scotch, homemade Welland basement wine, champagne and Tequila Rose.
– A Nicaraguan cigar.
– Coca-Cola. Lots of it. Whenever I go out and do not drink alcohol, which is quite frequent.
– Several times this last month I have purchased little bricks of Velveeta which have ended up melted on pizza pockets and mixed into Chef Boyardee ravioli. Give me a Fun Dip for dessert and yes, it’s 1978 again.
– Ambien – I can’t sleep on weeknights without at least a wee nibble. Regular sleep has been a challenge for me for many years. Spare me the story about the person who drove their car while asleep – it’s all I ever hear about when I mention the ‘A’ word. Besides, I woke up in a cornfield and no one was hurt.
– Cheetos. 2 bags in the last 4 weeks. In addition to the wonderful salty flavor, it’s also fun to run around the house looking like you just wanked with Eazy Cheez.
– Pizza, preferably pepperoni. Every thursday night and at least 4 slices. Currently, this constitues health food in my life.

It’s not so much what’s on the above list perhaps as what is glaringly absent. It’s a simple trinity:

– Fruit.
– Vegetables.
– Exercise.

We did the Pork Ass Challenge earlier this year to some good results. But that was just about dropping weight, and I opted for some really foolish methods of accomplishing that. This Saturday I’m hitting a real supermarket, starting to use my crisper for something other than rotten Haymarket apples and joining one of the nearby gyms. When I write it on the blog, it usually happens. I will scan the membership ID – see if I don’t.