Appetizer: Name something that helps you fall asleep.
Liquor. But seriously folks, liquor. I have a lot of trouble falling asleep usually, but recently hooked my bedroom computer up to cable. A Tivo’d episode of CSI or two – and I’m off to sleepy sleepy land. And if I’ve gone to the gym that day, I may not even make it to midnight. Even though I usually just masturbate in the locker room.
Soup: Who brings out the best in you?
Whenever I need some pep in my step, I think of friends who died young. That may sound a little morbid – but it works for me. I’ve staved off the reaper for 31 years and I really want to make the most of my life in memory of those who had to cash their chips in early for whatever reason.
Salad: What do you like to do on a rainy day?
I’m ridiculously productive on rainy days. As long as “rewire a plugged in toaster outside” appears nowhere on my proposed list of tasks.
Main Course: Complete this sentence: In our home, we never have enough:
Puerto Rican hookers, fireflies, liquor, chinchillas or Al Franken books. I was able to cross Trailer Park Boys Season 4 DVD and NHL2K5 off of the list only this morning as they both just arrived in the mail.
Dessert: Which shoe do you put on first?
The one without the scorpion. Not such a great quizzlet this week, folks. I apologize. Poor material and an extremely busy day at work. Help a brother out and take a stab at these questions yourselves.
Or not.
Appetizer: Name something that helps you fall asleep.
Don’t be fresh, quizzlet.
Soup: Who brings out the best in you?
My sister. I can say anything to her, be at my absolute worst, and I know that she’ll pat my head tenderly, look into my eyes and say, “Jesus, dude. You’re a fuckin’ mess. Pull up your socks, OK?”
Salad: What do you like to do on a rainy day?
Sleeeep.
Main Course: Complete this sentence: In our home, we never have enough:
Chocolate, booze, cigarettes, or, apparently, addiction counselors.
Dessert: Which shoe do you put on first?
I have no idea. I put on my shoes first thing in the morning, before I’ve had my coffee, chocolate, booze and cigarettes. I’m not at my best.
Hey – Heston Blumenthal – I bet he was giving more your girl more than mashed potatoes. Canadian Dave…
Ted: I don’t want to say your jokes are predictable, but there are as-of-yet-undiscovered tribes in the heart of the Peruvian jungle – who knew you were gonna say that.
Appetizer: Name something that helps you fall asleep.
Duhhh – Sleeping Pills! Honestly, I like to rub myself in baby oil and flog the dolphin. Puts me out immediately… that or watch the Tie Domni fights.
Soup: Who brings out the best in you? James Brown… His Funk gets rid of mine. That guy is great. Also… dancing gerbils… they really bring out the best in me.
Salad: What do you like to do on a rainy day?
Watch Movies… mostly clips of porn – Yes, I have a problem where 50% of my day is spent looking at naked women on the Internet.
Main Course: Complete this sentence: In our home, we never have enough: I could make this a hat trick… no… In our home, we never have enough totino’s pizza rolls.
Dessert: Which shoe do you put on first?
Right shoe – I pummel my huge fucking foot in that thing. stop down on it… Not the best shoe ettiquete.
Appetizer: Name something that helps you fall asleep.
Clean sheets. Man, there is nothing better than climbing into a freshly made bed. Like the rest of you, I can’t wait the two months until the next sheet change…
Soup: Who brings out the best in you?
My mom. She always tells me there is nothing I can’t do when I put my mind to it. At the same time she can bring out the worst in me – with just one little word she can send me through the roof!
Salad: What do you like to do on a rainy day?
Get baked and mash the buttons on my Gamecube, then go eat pho at my favorite Vietnamese restaurant. Humping is also good.
Main Course: Complete this sentence: In our home, we never have enough:
People to make an “our”, it’s only me…and it’s an apartment.
Dessert: Which shoe do you put on first?
The least stinky one. Who cares?