Appetizer: If you had a free password to an online service, which would it be?
One that combined stock-trading, music downloads, debt-consolidation and fantasy cartoon Star Wars porn. Leia wasn’t chained to Jabba to keep her from escaping. She was into that sort of shit.
Soup: Describe your bathroom (furnishings, colors, etc.).
Do smears count? It’s a tiny North End bathroom. Tub, sink, towel-rack. Purple crayon mark on one of the walls because Jim Fitzgerald thought that might be amusing one New Year’s Eve several years ago. And, get this, a toilet-brush! Feel free to come on by and check it out. Just follow your nose.
Salad: What does the shape of a triangle make you think of?
That other Mel Brooks Nazi pardody movie where all the gays had to wear pink triangles like the jews used to have to wear identifiers in WWII. Hitler: All I want is peace. Peace! Peace! [singing] A little piece of Poland, a little piece of France…
Main Course: Name 3 things or activities that you consider to be luxuries.
Being born North American. Being born rich. Being born without any sort of physical deformity. One out of three ain’t bad.
Dessert: What was the last really great movie you watched?
I’ve been on a tear lately. All great films. Hotel Rwanda made me realize that machetes are an excellent way to hack someone to death. The Aviator teaches us that in addition to being hilarious, obsessive compulsive disorders can help you amass huge financial fortunes. The Life Aquatic With Steve Zissou – Bill Murray in a Speedo. ‘Nuff said.
Appetizer: If you had a free password to an online service, which would it be? Probably porn – most obvious and easiest… but that is why I would – everytime I come home drunk I get tired of the free porn. Fumbling through my wallet to use my maxed out credit card… I always sign up for the 3 day trial… but then I wake up the next day with a splitting head ache and my pants around my ankles sox & shoes still on… and have no idea that I signed up for a three day service that if I don’t cancel will turn into a 39.99 a month service. Plus even if I do remember the service I never remember the site address, username, and password. Plus I have the drunk epipheny mid-wack that maybe if I hide my credit cards I won’t use them next time. So I hide them and end up waking up thinking I lost them… call the credit card companies… have them canceled… then get drunk and remember where I put them. So essentially it took me a whole day for that 1 minute beat. Talk about flogging the dolphin.
Soup: Describe your bathroom (furnishings, colors, etc.). Monkey Vomit Green. I also have that ceiling tile that looks exactly like the ceiling tiles that are in High Schools. Shower Curtain that looks like it was taken from the set of All In The Family and an old sink with about 50 ‘Men’s Health’ magazines under it.
Salad: What does the shape of a triangle make you think of? Stargate SG-1. If you know what I am talking about it means you watch the Sci-Fi channel and you have no right to crack a joke.
Main Course: Name 3 things or activities that you consider to be luxuries. Running Hot Water, Microwave & Microwave Safe Dishes, Electricity. For an activity – Polo, Strip Clubs, and more Strip Clubs.
Dessert: What was the last really great movie you watched? Fer Feck Sake – this could go on for ages. WEll I saw Garden state and that was really could – just a very cold crisp quality, but with all the sterileness that it provided it also felt a bit muddied up like someone just walked onto your brand new white carpeted room with muddied shoes. Excellent movie that makes you stop to think how great it is to be human whether you are psycho, an actor, a millionaire, or a guy that burries the dead. Life Aquatic – well the best part of that movie – Bill Murray in a wet suit listening to music. Shaun of The Dead was actually really good – the spoof of 28 Days Later – however it had a deeper hidden quality to it for me because I am somewhat familiar with the BBC. Still Napolean Dynomite – I try to get away from that movie and I have seen it like 1000 times and it gets funnier every time I see it.
I love a good mid-whack epiphany. Like “Jesus, I’m masturbating in a cathedral”. Why did you post twice. Be careful, you’re making a mess in so many ways around here.
As Kip would say – your mom’s a mess.
Fuck Off Dave…
Knock Knock – Who’s There – Dave fricken Pye in the Face who thinks he is perfect because he is good with words and thinking of stuff.
I am gonna forewarn you so I don’t have to embarrass you at the Sidebar – tonight… smokes.