This is going to be a short one. Not feeling very humorous today. Loads of work and holiday related stress harshing my mellow, man.
Appetizer: What is something that never fails to grab your attention?
Acts of terrorism, road flares, poutine, small shiny objects and barbed-wire thongs.
Soup: Who was the last person that gave you money?
My Dad wired me some cash in lieu of a birthday present earlier this month. He and my mother are currently spending their summer in a Florida trailer park, so it was a convenient solution. Especially since you can’t send deep-fried turkeys, methamphetamines or Jiffy Wine through the mail. The money went to Pixies tickets, and I’ll spare you any more gushing about how much I enjoyed those concerts. Thanks be to the ‘rents.
Salad: If you were a Smurf, what would your name be?
Where do I start? Here are a few possibilities: Pinty Smurf. Resenty Smurf. Canucky Smurf. Commitmentphobe Smurf. Sanford and Smurf. Tragically Smurfed. I need to stop.
Main Course: Do you believe in astrology? Why or why not?
Not really, although the classic description of a Sagittarius is me to a ‘T’. Still, I won’t be calling Dionne Warwick anytime soon. Christopher Walken’s Psychic Friends is more my speed.
Dessert: Have you seen any snow this year yet?
I saw a few flakes last week, but they melted instantly. The most snow I’ve seen this year was in a Quicktime movie my sister sent me of her snowboarding up in SugarBush. And I’d like to keep it that way.
Appetizer: What is something that never fails to grab your attention?
other peoples misfortune, Dave Chapelle, Rick Mercer(does anyone else find Dave Pye similar to Rick)…and poutine.
Soup: Who was the last person that gave you money?
Michelle was technically the last peson to place money into my account..but then again it was her share of the rent.
Salad: If you were a Smurf, what would your name be?
Well seeing as I am 6′-5′ and smurfs are 3 apples tall I would have to be Enormo-smurf, or roid-smurf, or elephant-smurf-itus.
Main Course: Do you believe in astrology? Why or why not?
Not F’in likely..theres a reason Jo-Jo’s Psyhic Alliance is an info-mercial and is on at 2:00AM. and theastrology crap is usually towards the back of the newspaper.
Dessert: Have you seen any snow this year yet?
I haven’t seen much of snow this year, as I am currently in a fantastic relationship. As for the white flaky/wet stuff..not to much thus far..at least by Canadian standards….but I’m sure MayorMiller will call in the Armed Forces as necessary to assist with snow removal.
Let me decipher your dessert, Stilts. You haven’t seen any snow yet because you’ve been locked inside, pork-crazy? And you better hope Venditti and Plaskos don’t see that ‘fantastic relationship’ line or you’ll never hear the end of it.
Regardless… pork away, my friend.
Don’t have much time or with today so here it goes! Hangover setting in.
Appetizer: What is something that never fails to grab your attention?
Boobs. I really need a pair of boob blinders because as soon as I see a set of big boobie tits I feel like I was in third grade again. Hey – I am just a big dumb animal folks.
Soup: Who was the last person that gave you money?
James Welsh – James used to live with a friend of mine known as Crazy Zeek – James is a likeable chap that was able to help me out when I was a bit strapped for cash. I won’t even go into the last time I gave a person money – or should I say unknowingly gave to their charity ‘Oxy Cleaned’ – fucking addicts. Amazing how fricking high and stupid some people can be when they can’t even forge a check correctly – come on… he mispelled my name in the signature and the correct way to spell my name was already on the check. Also amazing how they will cash any check. Maybe they thought the fucker was ‘semi-bloody illiterate’.
Salad: If you were a Smurf, what would your name be?
This sounds like fun – well we will presume that an immediate stand out is Monster Smurf, but that is a bit of an oxymoron sort of like Hefty Smurf ( http://www.timelesstrinkets.com/Smurfs/CollectorPages/Characters.html ). Maybe Drunky Smurf or Goonie Smurf – but that could be applied to half the people on this site. I suppose I should try to go back and apply past nicknames and just throw in the tag line smurf on the back end – like Animal Smurf or Bubba Smurf. Better yet – maybe a smurf name that correlates with my personality – like ‘Mr. Nice Guy’ Smurf, or Paranoid Smurf, Schizo Smurf, you know what – fuck it – how about Fuck It Smurf.
Main Course: Do you believe in astrology? Why or why not?
Yes – I do – see the way I see it is the way physics defines it. You see time is based on gravity. We all have our own time of when we were born and at that time the stars in the heavens were at a certain point pulling on us or effecting our gravity/time. Because of gravity we have time and time is what guides our lives – time is what causes us to grow old and die. Therefore, when we are born we are born at a certain point in time or this can be looked at as a certain point in gravity and from there on out this astrological pull guides us through our lives. Gravity is our track in which our lives travel by and everyone has a different track. This is a bit off the wall though – i probably don’t even have a clue what I am talking about. However, I do fit right into the Aquarius sign – you know likes to run around the house naked in the dead of winter then plop down and make snow angels just because it can be done. http://www.astrologyzone.com
Dessert: Have you seen any snow this year yet?
Yah dude – we had some snow – actually not a bad turn out. I am pumped for the snow this year.
Too late.
Stilts – you didn’t just say that did you? Unless the “fantastic” relationship you are referring to is with your cock, you should be keel-hauled….
appetizer: Seka, a natural c-cup, ass crack
soup: no one ever gave me shit, not everyone was pampered like you fagots from silver-spoon-in-your-ass academy.
salad: sipowicz smurf
main course: yeah I do and the stars are clearly predicting no playoffs for the raps. Babcock better know how to pick ’em in the up coming draft and quickly deal rose and gimp kidney for something or we are fucked! I’ve never seen a professional sports team have so many shit williamses grace thier bench.
desert: obviously