I’m having a Halloween party this year, as some of you already know, and I’m affectionately referring to it as “The Big Haunt“. It’s Saturday October 30th at the SideBar – and is shaping up to be as horrifying as the prospect of having to see Teresa Kerry on television every day for the next eight years. That abrasive, confrontational, overprivilaged windbag reminds me of a cross between Dame Judi Dench and Beula Ballbricker from Porky’s.
Some faithful readers of this blog have confided in me that they don’t know what they’re going to be for Halloween, and they just can’t think of anything. I’m being Julian from Trailer Park Boys. All I need is a black T-shirt (done) black jeans (done) and to grow a goatee (almost done). I have two friends completing the set as Ricky and Bubbles and it’s going to be hilarious. No fuss, no muss – done. Sure, only 1/5th of the guests will have any idea who we’re supposed to be, but I’m not eligible for the costume prizes as the organizer – so who gives a Kerry’s chance at the Presidency.
Look dear friends – stop agonizing. I’ll reference Adam Sandler’s 1991 SNL Weekend Update piece “How to stretch your Halloween dollar“:
You can just use your own t-shirt! Go as Crazy One-Armed Man. [ stuffs one arm under his t-shirt ] “Hey, look at me! I only got one arm, and I’m crazy! Now give me some candy, or I’ll grab you with my crazy one-arm!”
You can use something that’s in your house, even.. [ laughs, holds spoon to his head ] How about a spoon? “I’m Crazy Spoon-Head! And I want some candy! I don’t have a normal head, I got a damn spoon growing out of it! Now, give me some crazy candy, dammit! Ow-ooo, this spoon makes me crazy!”
So stop getting yourselves so wound up about it. It’s just a little Halloween party. $6 pitchers, free food, a DJ and absolutely NO COVER. But you can always spend the night alone in a closet watching Ghoulies and eating nothing but stale candy corn and Hershey’s Special Dark bars. That would be fun, too.
Side Bar
Pros: Cheap Drinks, Food deals, Cute girl at bar.
Cons: Sausage Fest, Attracts local Scum, Often empty.
Citysearch says it…it must be so.
Couldn’t help but notice you will be attending as Julian and that you have two compadres going as Bubbles and Rickey. Well my friend, I’m still considering making an appearance as Corey.
Looking forward to it!
Citysearch has nothing to do with this.
It’s a PRIVATE party. No scummy locals. Besides, on busy nights the riff-raff sticks to the left half of the bar. Also, there are going to be tons of girls – look at the Evite. So snack on MY sausage-fest. Basically, for any private events held there, you can cancel out the “cons” list. Unless Monster shows up.