We all saw the clips over the weekend. Britney is bald. At first glanceI thought… well, I’m not sure what I thought. It was such a shocking visage that a flurry of possible causes swirled through my confused head:
– Federline’s remaining crotch goblins spread to her head, forcing a flame-thrower delousing.
– She started smoking her hair in rehab, and found the long, straight ones took longer to cash than the short and curlys.
– Her passing-out episodes became so frequent that waking up with gum matted in her hair finally ruined her glossy locks.
– Her passing-out episodes became so frequent that waking up with male DNA in her hair ruined her glossy locks.
– Timberlake told her he was more likely to date Telly Savalas than get involved with her again.
– Desperate for a hit, she has begun masterminding the Right Said Fred reunion tour.
– It’s not easy jumping genres from Crossroads to American History X Part 2, but it will do wonders for her street cred.
Miss Spears is definitely having an identity crisis. Or experiencing severe regret at having reproduced with a talentless wannabe. Or perhaps remorse at flushing away the most lucrative pop career and massive cross-popularity in human history. Or maybe… Jesus – it’s a wonder she didn’t start drinking and get her head shaved months ago. Anna Nicole, save her a seat.
Britney can forget about her pop star career after this. Good thing she probably has close to 100 million in the bank. Next obvious step is she poses for playboy.
“Britney. What do you like more about dinner theatre? The dinner or the theatre?”
Negative press is still press. And checking yourself into rehab these days is purely a means of trying to quickly remedy a highly publicized act of lunacy or, in her case, she’s playing the “I’m a stupid twat and procreated with a white trash loser and have now two brats and a shaved head to show for it because I’m mentally fucked and need attention” card. Honsetly, joining Anna Nicole would be the best thing for her at this point, really. Maybe she can bring Paris with her too? We can only hope…
The way I see it, Brit picked up some tips from Madonna how to manipulate media to her advantage.
Pam and Paris had mysteriously stolen their “lovemaking videotapes” and Janet had a “wardrobe malfunction on” International TV, Brit had to come up with something original to get back into spotlight.
After 2 babies, extra padding and double chin, no hit on a horizon, she was looking for a way to get back into spotlight. The break up with Fed didn’t cause as much attention as she hoped for, so “Sinead O’Connor resurrection” here she comes. Just imagine the line up with Dave Letterman, Jay Leno, Barbara Walters…all waiting to have a first crack at question “Why?”
Brit is playing media, fans, and the public. This chick doesn’t have any mental breakdown; she knows very well what she is doing.